What I would give up for Lent.

I know it's no where near Lent, but if stores are allowed to start selling Christmas items after Halloween then I'll just write my blog on this. I was thinking I should actually give up something for Lent this year. Although it has been rather hard lately, and by lately I mean my whole life, because I am more of a meat and potatoes kind of guy. I don't need a lot, and I keep everything pretty simple. But every now and then its nice to throw a fruit into the mix, just to jumble things up. And I meant it metaphorically- not an actual fruit. And by that I mean a gay guy. Anyway, I was saying that I do have a little bit of luxuries in my life from time to time. As a result, I am compiling this list of thing I can live without, which I will not have the patience to put in alphabetical order. The hope is that I can reason with myself as to what I should give up for Lent.

I know it's no where near Lent, but if stores are allowed to start selling Christmas items after Halloween then I'll just write my blog on this. I was thinking I should actually give up something for Lent this year. Although it has been rather hard lately, and by lately I mean my whole life, because I am more of a meat and potatoes kind of guy. I don't need a lot, and I keep everything pretty simple. But every now and then it’s nice to throw a fruit into the mix, just to jumble things up. And I meant it metaphorically- not an actual fruit. And by that I mean a gay guy. Anyway, I was saying that I do have a little bit of luxuries in my life from time to time. As a result, I am compiling this list of thing I can live without, which I will not have the patience to put in alphabetical order. The hope is that I can reason with myself as to what I should give up for Lent.

1. Give up loose women.
I am not saying all women, so stop that "You know how I know you're gay" joke right there. I just think that God would not want me spending $25 here in the Bronx for a quickie. Also, since I won't be buying any women, I can spend this time to reflect on my sins- and to save up money to buy a really nice harlot in the latter part of spring. You know, the kind of stripper you can kiss on the lips, like Julia Roberts, or you can just kill and leave in your hotel room. The choice is yours.

2. Give up recycling.
I include this on the list because I think it's a myth. I mean, I obviously believe in recycling, but I wouldn't follow it through the desert for 40 years if you know what I’m saying. What actually happens to all of that recycling? Some hippies get a shopping bag with a 100% Recycled sign on it. That’s really it.

3. Give up my religion.
This is like an ironic one. Could God really punish me for giving something up, even if it was believing in him? Yes. Yes, he can. But still, it raises a philosophical question. So, I guess that’s cool.

4. Give up euphemisms.
These widely accepted figures of speech just cover up the harshness of death or disease, all in an effort to put people at ease and make conversations a little less awkward. But I say, why not give it up? “Tommy, you’re retarded, not slow.” “Oh, and Mike, you had sex with her. I don’t want to hear about how you laid pipe.” I just think it would be a really cool experiment to start talking like that. Maybe people will respect the honesty. Maybe they won’t. Whatever the case, I think this will definitely end horribly.